it’s better this way so why does it still hurt?
She sent the first text that same night. While Nate slept peacefully next to her, one arm draped casually around her waist, she reached for her phone, expecting (hoping?) to have some sort of message from Chuck. He never listened to her before, so she really didn't expect him to leave her alone now.
The phone held no new messages and she couldn't quite squash the pang of disappointment that went through her. She put the phone down again and snuggled closer to Nate, trying to fall back asleep. But when she closed her eyes it was the wrong boy behind her eyes.
She sighed in frustration and picked up her phone again. Maybe she had been a bit harsh before. But it's not like she really meant for him to not talk to her at all. And anyway, she really needed to warn him that she was back with Nate so that he wouldn't do something stupid and tell someone.
'I'm back with Nate. It's better this way. You won't tell anyone, right?'
She sent the message and turned to face Nate. It really was better this way. Nate was so much better for her. He was the one she'd always wanted and after the ball he'd shown that he really wanted her too. Just like it was always meant to be. With that thought in her head she fell asleep again.
~*~
Nate woke her with a special breakfast and a rose. She smiled at him, feeling like the luckiest girl in the world. But when he left to use the bathroom it took her exactly two seconds before she reached for her phone. She should have felt guilty, but her empty inbox just made her feel annoyed.
~*~
She called him maybe ten times that day, and sent maybe twenty text messages. Why was he being so difficult for? Couldn't he just let her know he was okay? She didn't even know when her anger at him shifted to worry. She hated him for making her feel guilty for ending whatever it was they had. He was the one who ruined things. He was the one who forced her back into Nate's arms.
'Why are you such an ass? You can't just disappear without telling anyone!'
~*~
Three days later, she'd found out from Nate that Chuck was also not answering his calls either. While this seemed strange to Nate, it wasn't bothering him nearly as much as girlfriend.
Up until now her texts had ranged from the mildly annoyed, to the super pissed off. But now she just didn't know what else to do.
'Please, just tell me you're okay.'
Three hours later he finally replied. 'Why wouldn't I be okay?'
~*~
It took her two more days of empty inboxes and unanswered calls for her to finally snap. It was two days before Christmas, her Dad had just arrived in New York after a year of not seeing him, and Bart Bass had just told her Chuck was in Monaco.
She said goodbye to Serena and got in a cab, heading to the airport.
It took two hours to get a flight, another nine hours to get to Monaco, and another half an hour to the Bass suite, but when she finally stood outside his door she had no idea what the hell she was even doing.
~*~
"Blair?" His confused expression just made her angrier. Why what he looking at her like she wasn't real? After everything he put her through he could at least pay attention.
"What the hell is your problem?" she asked, pushing him into the room and closing the door behind her. "Why would you just leave? Why wouldn't you at least call?"
He still looked too shocked to say anything, and she just kept pushing him, her anger rising with every word. She realised her voice was reaching hysterical levels, but she couldn't quite control herself at this moment.
"Do you have any idea what I've been going through?" she asked.
He finally seemed to realise she was actually talking to him. "Why do you even care?" he asked her. "You're back with Nate."
"I…So…that doesn't mean…"
"Doesn't mean what, Blair? Doesn't mean you don't expect me to be there at your beck and call? Get real, Waldorf. Chuck Bass doesn't do lap dog."
"Ugh! What the hell am I even doing here?" she groaned to herself.
"Yes, please enlighten me, what are you doing here?"
"I don't know," she sighed, suddenly feeling really stupid.
He sensed her change in mood, and his stance softened. "Why don't you sit down." He told her.
She nodded and went over to the bed, but hesitated when she noticed the rumpled sheets. "You didn't have anyone…"
He rolled his eyes. "Only in my dreams."
She made a vaguely disgusted sound before sitting down. He came over and took a seat next to her, still trying to figure out what was going on in her mind.
"Blair, what are you really doing here?" he asked softly.
"I missed you," she admitted. "You can't just not talk to me."
"You told me never to talk to you again!" he reminded her.
"Yeah, well, since when do you actually listen to me?"
He laughed lightly before turning serious. "I just needed to get you out of my head," he told her honestly. "I saw you…with Nate, and I don't even know what we were thinking to start with. You were right – this, us, it would never work, for a million reasons, first of which is the fact that you'll always be in love with Nathaniel."
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
"Me too," he sighed. "I should never have…Look, Nate's my best friend, and I know I do my fair share of shit to... well, everyone, but not to Nate."
She nodded, knowing that he was right. She did love Nate and always would. And she never wanted to come between Nate and Chuck because she more than anyone knew that even though they would never say it they loved each other like she loved Serena. And she would never want what happened to her and Serena to happen to them.
"Can you come home, please," she said. "You can't shut me out because of this."
"I will," he promised. "I just need to think for a bit longer. You're one hard girl to get over," he teased, bumping her shoulder softy.
She smiled, knowing he meant it, and knowing it didn't change anything. They would go back to New York and resume their previous roles and this – whatever it was – would be buried under a pile of memories she needed to forget.