you make me feel in control of my world
It usually happened when Nate was very very drunk. It took a lot for Nate to stop thinking about how his actions would affect every little thing, so he had to be really drunk to even think about kissing Chuck, let alone actually doing it.
He watched his best friend as he attempted to lure his latest conquest away from the party. It would have been amusing if he wasn’t thinking about being the latest conquest himself.
He walked over to him, his body finding its way between Chuck and the pretty blonde he was leering at.
"Hey you," Chuck smirked, not the least bit upset by the interruption.
The girl was dismissed without a word as Nate consumed his best friend’s attention.
Blair had no patience for a drunken Nate. She said as much when Chuck presented her with the current status of her darling boyfriend. She blamed Chuck for his bad influence, ignored the way Nate didn’t seem to be able to stop touching his best friend and told said best friend to take her boyfriend home safely.
Chuck was never one to listen to Blair’s orders, so he let Nate drag him into his limo and told the driver to take them to the Palace.
"Your girlfriend ordered me to take you home," he told Nate, knowing that was not where Nate wanted to go right now, but giving him the option.
"So?" he said as he shifted closer, his hand coming to rest on Chuck’s thigh. His eyes met Chuck’s straight on and it would have been unnerving for the other boy if he wasn’t so used to this split-personality.
Sometimes, if Nate was feeling particularly dangerous he would lean over and crush his lips against Chuck’s before the limo had even pulled away from the latest party. It was okay because the windows were tinted and it’s not like anyone would suspect this would be happening behind those dark windows. But Chuck knew that it was partly the thrill of being so close to the edge that excited Nate.
"I’m not sure that’s such a good idea," he said, eyes on the hands that were spreading heat from his thigh to another part of his body.
"Oh, I think it’s a very good idea," Nate countered, hand slipping higher still.
Chuck’s protests got crushed under soft lips and moans of pleasure.
The first time it happened it was night of the Valentine’s Day ball, a day before the actual event, but still an all important night in the eyes of Blair Waldorf – especially without Serena around to help this year. Nate had been trying especially hard to be the perfect boyfriend for weeks leading up to the night, but when it finally arrived Blair was too busy being the perfect host and he was free to drink as much as he wanted.
They had been on the roof, sharing a joint when he decided to do it. He didn’t exactly know why he did it, except that he wanted to and there was no one there to stop him. Chuck was talking as usual but Nate wasn’t listening to the words, just the way they made his lips move; it was inviting without even trying to be.
And then without a second thought he just leaned over and kissed him, effectively cutting off the other boy’s sentence. Chuck pushed him away, confused and shaking because for a second he didn’t want to pull away and Nate didn’t seem worried about what he’d done.
He’d let out a few choice expletives, asked Nate what the fuck he was thinking and just how much he had drunk. Nate always was braver when drunk, but this was something Chuck had not been expecting.
"Don’t act like you don’t want me," Nate said.
"You’re fucking drunk, Nathaniel. You don’t know what you want," Chuck said, confusion turning to curiosity under the unwavering gaze of the other boy.
"But I know what you want," Nate insisted, leaning in again.
Chuck never was one to over think things so when Nate’s lips met his he forgot about the reasons this shouldn’t be happening and kissed him back. It should have felt weird, kissing a boy…kissing his best friend, but it didn’t. Nate’s lips were soft and yielding and Chuck felt a surge of arousal on hearing his best friend making sounds he’d never thought he’d hear from him, let alone be the cause of.
His hand was no longer on Chuck’s thigh; it had found its way to the back of his neck, pulling the other boy closer, crushing his lips against Nate’s in a bruising kiss.
Chuck may be the experienced one when it came to women, but Nate was more experienced when it came to this. He knew exactly what to do to make Chuck moan, or sigh or let out sounds of frustration when Nate teased him for too long. He was the only one who knew Chuck better than he knew himself, and he took power in that.
Chuck caught on pretty quickly that Nate needed the control in this situation. He needed to be the dominant one just this once. His life was full of orders from people he couldn’t say no to. His parents. His girlfriend. Even his best friend was always the one to make the decisions in the light of day.
But right now, in these moments he took it all back. Because this was his. Chuck was his and he would do whatever Nate wanted and he wouldn’t tell him what to do. He would only take what Nate offered him and give only pleasure in return. No orders, no requests, just soft pleas of ‘more’ and ‘don’t stop’.
Chuck wasn’t used to caring about the person he was with. It was all about physical desires with no thinking. Everything was felt through the touching, the skin on skin and the slow building of tension which consumed him. When it was over he was pretty much done. He wasn’t a cruel lover, but his emotions for his partner consisted only of the rush of making them experience new heights of pleasure.
Nate was completely different. While Nate’s tongue pushed against his, a push and pull of control; Chuck having it and Nate wanting it, Chuck couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that it was his oldest friend who was making him feel this way.
He wasn’t completely lost in the feel of body against body because his mind knew that this was Nate and when he looked into his eyes there was familiarity and calm and it was all too weird but Chuck didn’t care because it felt too damn good to stop.
They stumbled through the Palace and into his suite as Nate pushed off Chuck’s jacket and frantically pulled at his shirt.
As they moved recklessly, not caring about anything but this moment, Nate pushed Chuck against the bar. His back hit it hard and he swore, "Fuck, Nathaniel."
"That’s the plan," Nate grinned, leaning in to kiss Chuck softly by way of apology.
His hand trailed down Chuck’s body, and Chuck pushed against it, trading pain for pleasure.
That first morning Nate woke on Chuck’s coach shirtless and disoriented. Their eyes met across the room and for a tense moment they didn’t know what was going to happen. Then Chuck started to bitch about Nate’s phone ringing all morning and Nate groaned because his head was killing him and it was probably Blair leaving him a million messages, wondering where her Valentine’s Day gift was. And suddenly all the tension just disappeared and they were just Chuck and Nate again. Like nothing had even changed.
Two weeks later it happened again, and then again and again and then it was this thing between them that they didn’t acknowledge but would always be there. Nate would wake up on Chuck’s couch more often than not, memories of lips and hands and moans pushed to the back of his mind before he went to meet his girlfriend.
It wasn’t like it changed anything between them; they were still destined to fall in love with the same girl without her ever realizing that they maybe loved each other just as much as they loved her. If only that had been enough to save them all.