forgiving you is easier than missing you
Note: Takes place after 1x13 "The Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate".
Nate let himself into Chuck’s suite after knocking a few times to see whether he was in. It was hardly surprising that the suite was empty given that it was Valentine’s Day and the last he heard Gossip Girl was reporting that Chuck Bass was back to his bed-hopping ways of old.
Of course Chuck would have a date on Valentine’s Day, while he was left alone without a girlfriend or a best friend. He had been dragged by his Dad to a charity event which was clearly for those too old and cynical to have real plans on Valentine’s Day, and had left the first chance he got.
He loosened tie and tossed it on a stool before pouring himself a drink from Chuck’s fully stocked bar. He was already very much on his way to getting royally drunk, but he needed a lot more alcohol in his system if he was ever going to stop thinking about his best friend.
Being in Chuck’s suite didn’t seem like the greatest plan with that aim in mind, his brain tried to remind him, but he took a huge gulp of his scotch and told his brain to shut up.
It had been a month since he’d found out about Chuck and Blair, a month in which he had avoided them both as if his life depended on it. A month in which he realised that despite being one of the most popular guys in his class he really only had one friend.
He’d never needed anyone else. He’d never thought to care about anyone else because everyone paled in comparison to Chuck’s bright energy. People often wondered how two people as different as them could be best friends, but it wasn’t about differences or similarities. They chose each other when they were only five, and they’d never questioned that choice since.
Nate sat back on the couch, his couch and closed his eyes. Memories of previous encounters with his missing best friend flashed before his eyes; tangled limbs and roaming hands and pleasure that makes your mind glaze over. This was where he came whenever he was confused. Chuck was the one who was there no matter what crazy things were going on in his life.
The feel of his best friends lips against his cleared his mind so completely that nothing else mattered. Being with Chuck was easy because Chuck was home; he was a part of Nate, so close that he didn’t even think about it being weird or strange to have someone know you in every way the way Chuck seemed to.
That was why the betrayal hurt so much. Chuck was supposed to know him; he was supposed to know how much this would kill him.
And now, sitting alone on Valentine’s Day it wasn’t his ex-girlfriend he missed. It was his best friend; the boy who he thought would always be here no matter what. The boy who’d listen while he bitched about his cheating girlfriend, the one who would tell him to shut up and stop being a fucking hypocrite, the one who’d kiss him and make him forget what he was even talking about.
He needed that boy more than he ever realised.
~*~
Chuck was a little drunk when he arrived back at his suite that night. He’d spent most of the night at the Palace bar despite the rumours of his return to his old ways. Of course he was using girls to try and forget about Blair and Nate and how much he’d royally screwed up. But tonight the couples were everywhere and all he wanted to do was forget stupid things like butterflies and best friends even existed.
It had been a month since the fallout and Nate had been successful in avoiding Chuck at all costs. Chuck Bass was never one to chase after anyone, but for Nate he would, and he did. He called every day, tried to corner him at school, tried to find him at home, but Nate had perfected his avoidance tactics. After a couple of weeks Chuck gave up and tried to convince himself he didn’t need Nate anyway.
Thus it was a slight shock to walk into his suite only to find his best friend sprawled out on his couch. Based on the empty bottles on the table and the fact that Nate had managed to lose his shirt and shoes Chuck guessed he’d been here a while and had eventually passed out drunk.
He should have been surprised to find Nate here after a month of silence but he wasn’t. Even though he’d almost given up, he knew Nate needed him just as much as he needed Nate. There was too much history there.
Chuck walked quietly towards his bed, dropping his jacket and tie on it and loosening his shirt.
He came back to the couch and sat on the edge of the table in front of Nate, observing the sleeping boy. He picked up Nate’s half full glass of scotch and gulped it down in one go.
"You’re such a fucking asshole, you know that?" Nate muttered, slowly opening his eyes and looking up at Chuck.
Chuck smirked. "Well, yeah. I thought you knew that too."
"I did. I do. I just never thought you’d be one to me." Nate sighed and lifted himself up, his legs resting between Chuck’s and his face close enough to touch.
"I’m sorry," Chuck said, his voice taking on the sincere tone it rarely found itself in. "I’m really fuckin’ sorry."
"I want to hate you." Nate said, his hands moving to hold Chuck’s neck. "I really fucking do. But you’re such an asshole you won’t even let me do that."
Nate’s voice was becoming more desperate and Chuck could tell this was all coming from his drunk place. Nate got sentimental when he was drunk. But Chuck didn’t care because Nate was looking at him like he meant something again and his hand was on Chuck’s neck and he was holding him there, staring at him so intently that Chuck couldn’t look away.
"I miss you. I really fucking miss you," Nate said, blaming Chuck for that as well as everything else. And then he kissed him, putting all his anger and frustration into that moment.
Chuck kissed him back hungrily his hands sliding up Nate’s bare chest. He knew this was easy for them. They could fall into this thing, whatever it was, just like they did whenever something big happened, something they didn’t want to think about, whether it was their Mom leaving, or their Dad being arrested, or their girlfriend driving them crazy. With each other nothing else seemed to matter.
But this time was different because the thing they were trying to forget was each other, what they’d done to their friendship, how much they needed each other, and why when everything was falling apart the thing that hurt the most was losing their best friend.
But none of that seemed to matter either. Because all they wanted was this.
Nate tugged at Chuck’s shirt, unbuttoning it quickly and pushing it aside. He pulled the other boy with him as he leaned back on the couch. Chuck fell easily onto Nate, their bodies tangling together in the small space as they tried to rid themselves of the extra clothes between them.
Chuck touched and tasted and sighed at the perfect sounds coming from Nate’s mouth. Every moan, every intake of breath that he had almost forgotten was coming back to him now. He had missed this, god he had missed this more than he even realised. This thing with Nate was completely different to anything else in his life; it was a perfect high, one that only Nate could give him.
They’d always passed these encounters off as mistakes, too much alcohol and time spent together and what’s a little mutual pleasure between friends? But right now it didn’t feel like a mistake at all. It felt like coming home.
Nate groaned as Chuck’s hand found its way between their bodies, making quick work of his pants and pressing against him just right.
"Yes," he mumbled, his brain only processing the need he felt. Everything else, everything that may have happened in the past didn’t matter anymore. He was right where he wanted to be, right where he belonged and he wasn’t planning to leave.
Chuck’s tongue found his as his hands continued to stroke him, bringing him closer to the release he craved. They kissed fiercely and it felt different and the same all at once.
Nate’s body was heating up and all he could think about was the feel of Chuck’s skin under his touch. His hands roamed Chuck’s back before moving round to his pants. He pushed them down, momentarily stopping Chuck from touching him as they moved excess clothes out of the way, just enough so they could feel skin on skin.
Chuck moaned as Nate lifted his hips, pushing against him in the most perfect way that he almost came right then. But he wasn’t ready yet. He was busy enjoying the feel of Nate in his hands and watching the other boy slowly lose control.
He wanted more than anything to give in this moment. Anyone else and he wouldn’t care, but this was Nate and after everything Chuck had done to him he wanted to give something back. His actions were saying what words couldn’t. His actions said I’m-sorry and I-love-you and oh-god-please-come-for-me.
And Nate seemed to listen to Chuck’s silent pleas as his head rolled back and his hands grasped Chuck’s shoulders, digging into them as he let go, coming slick against Chuck’s hand.
His own hands slid down and found Chuck’s between them and soon Chuck’s gasp of pleasure was being covered by Nate’s mouth as he too found himself being taken over the edge.
They collapsed together, exhaustion from the entire day, the entire month even, catching up with them. The suite was suddenly silent, making the pounding of their hearts sound like a drum roll.
Finally, when his mind had cleared a little and realisation of being on a couch not built for this kind of activity kicked in Chuck lifted himself up slightly, looking at the boy underneath him.
"You think this makes us even?" he wondered.
"Not even close," Nate said seriously, but he couldn’t quite keep the hint of a smile off his face. "But it’s a start," he added.
Chuck smirked easily. "I guess I’m going to have to work a little harder to make it up to you?"
"I would say so," Nate agreed.
"In that case, we’re going to have to move this party over there." He gestured to the bed.
"But I like the couch," Nate complained.
"Trust me, Nathaniel. I have a lot of making up to do and I don’t think this couch can handle what I have in mind."
Nate laughed as Chuck got up, pulling his best friend along with him. He had wanted to stay angry at Chuck, he’d wanted to hate him, but in the end he was only making himself miserable, this arrangement on the other hand seemed to be a much better use of his energy.