All You Ever Wanted
"Lucas!" Haley warned her best friend as he came towards her with an evil glint in his eyes. She had seen that look before, and she knew it meant she was going to end up regretting what she had just done.
"I mean it Scott, don't come any closer."
She had jumped up from the couch of the apartment she shared with Brooke and stood around the back. Her eyes held Luke's as she dared him not to come closer.
"Fine," Luke said, sinking back into the couch. "I guess we both won't watch anything," he said, ignoring her now.
The fight they had been having was of course stupid and childish, and over the remote control, which was in Haley's hand.
Knowing not to trust Lucas giving in this early Haley started to move cautiously towards the front of the couch. Not cautiously enough though because Lucas's arm suddenly shot out, grabbing his best friend around her tiny waist and pulling her over the couch and under his body in one swift move.
"Lucas! Oh my god! Get off me."
He had her pinned underneath his body now, one leg on each side of her hips and he looked down at her as he tried not to laugh.
"I think that proves which one of us is the clever one," he joked. "Now give up the remote, Hales."
"Ha. Never."
He started tickling her then, and she couldn't hold in her laughter. Years of growing up together had taught Luke exactly where to touch her to elicit the response he wanted.
Haley was laughing hard and trying desperately to catch her breath when the door opened. Lucas was so surprised by the sudden intrusion he accidentally lost his balance and his body collided with Haley's.
"Uhhhum." Brooke cleared her throat, raising her eyebrows at her roommate and ex-boyfriend as she walked into the apartment. She didn’t say anything else as she walked through the living room and towards her bedroom.
Lucas and Haley looked from Brooke's retreating form, to each other and then burst out laughing again.
"Get off me, you idiot. You weigh a ton!" Haley joked as she pushed her best friend. He rolled off her suddenly, landing on the floor.
"Hey!" Lucas complained. "It's not my fault Brooke walked in and distracted me."
"Well I'm guessing the cold shoulder was your fault though. As far as I know I'm a perfect roommate."
"Yeah, I'm sure I did something to piss her off while I was here all afternoon," Lucas said sarcastically as he sat next to Haley on the couch.
"I better go talk to her," Haley said, getting up.
"Now, if only Brooke had come home ten minutes ago I could have watched my game without all the drama," he joked, as he grabbed the remote Haley had left on the couch. She turned around and stuck her tongue out at him as she went into her room to find Brooke.
~*~
"So, what's up?" Haley asked her roommate as she looked through her wardrobe.
"I'm going out, Tutor Girl. You should try it sometime," Brooke said. "Which one?" she asked, holding out two tops, none of which Haley would even consider wearing
"Umm…."
"The red it is," Brooke decided, not waiting for Haley's answer. She carried on getting ready as Haley just stood there; amazed at the energy Brooke seemed to have all the time.
After almost a year of living with Brooke, Haley was still surprised every day. She and Brooke were complete opposites in every way, but it seemed opposites really did attract, or well they got along really well. Brooke had been there supporting her through the last year almost as much as Lucas was. Unlike certain people, like Peyton, who had turned her back on Haley without much of a reason.
It was because of her great new friendship with Brooke that she sometimes hated the fallout of Brooke and Lucas realizing they were not meant to work. Brooke started senior year by playing mind games with Lucas, holding herself at arms length as she waited for Lucas to fight for her. Lucas ended up getting confused by all the games, and sometimes he did the wrong thing and it left Brooke even more certain that she couldn't give him her heart again. Haley knew Lucas and Brooke definitely cared about each other, but sometimes that wasn't enough, and Haley knew that more than most.
"Something you wanted, Hales?" Brooke asked, breaking Haley from her thoughts.
"Oh, uh, no. You just seemed a bit…off. Something wrong?"
"No," she said, but Haley knew she was lying. "I just wonder…"
"What?"
"How you two end up in situations like that and still manage to keep your hands to yourself."
"What? Oh! Brooke!" She exclaimed. "That was so innocent. You didn't think…" Haley screwed up her face in mock disgust. "You weren't jealous were you?"
Brooke laughed. "One, my dear roommate, I do not care about Lucas like that anymore. And two, I could never be jealous of you."
"Err, thanks, I think." Haley laughed.
"I'm just surprised, after everything you two have been through this year…I mean you're always together…"
"Brooke, we were always together for like, the last ten years. We're friends."
"Hmm."
"No, not "hmm". We are."
"I know you are. It's just…there's something…never mind."
"What? Brooke!"
"Okay, look, I may be reading into this the wrong way, but I've seen the way you are together, and there's just something there, and it's different."
Haley's mouth was open in shock and Brooke just laughed as she grabbed the last few things she needed.
"Just think about it, Hales," she said, winking mischievously as she left. "Don't wait up."
~*~
"So, what's the verdict?" Lucas asked after Brooke had left.
Haley was still thinking about what Brooke had said and wasn't paying full attention to Lucas. "Hmm?"
"Brooke. Is she okay? She seemed chirpier on the way out."
"Oh uh, yeah." She shook her thoughts away, pushing them to the back of her mind.
"You're a dumbass," she teased as she sat next to him, unconsciously leaning against him. "Nah, she just had a bad day. Not everything is about you, Scott."
"Ha. I never said it was. I believe you were the one who thought her bad mood was related to me."
"Well, you do tend to put people in bad moods."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence. With a best friend like you it's a wonder why anyone likes me."
"People like you?" Haley joked.
Lucas just rolled his eyes at his best friend. "So, I went ahead a picked the movie for tonight."
"Oh no."
"Shut up, you're gonna love it."
He pressed play on the remote and for the first time Haley realized just how close she was sitting to him, and when he put his arm around her shoulder she looked up at him and he just smiled.
It didn’t matter that Luke chose the movie, because for the first time in ten years Haley was so busy thinking about the way Lucas felt against her, she couldn't concentrate on anything else.
~*~
Haley lay in bed that night, hours after Luke had left and thought about him. Brooke had been right about one thing; things between her and Lucas were different this year.
This year had been hard on her, more than she ever thought her senior year would be. If she ever thought about how she would be spending her senior year in the past, she would have never thought she would be spending the start of it trying to put her marriage back together. Hell, when she got married she hadn't thought it would be crumbling as fast as it did.
But it did crumble. And after chasing after Nathan for the first two months of senior year, Haley realized she was only making herself miserable. Nathan wasn't ready to try, and the more she fought to keep him, the more she realized there was nothing to keep. Their marriage had crumbled at the first sign of trouble, and maybe it was never as strong as she had thought it would be.
It was Lucas who had been there with her through those months of sadness, tears and desperation. It was Lucas who had been her rock. He had been there whenever she needed him and even when she thought she didn't.
If the year before had seemed to lessen their friendship, this year had proved that it was as strong as ever, and no matter what they would always be together.
But she had never doubted Lucas's friendship. She knew it was the one stable, never changing thing in her life. So, what had Brooke meant that things were different? Why did she even pay attention to Brooke? Plenty of people had mistaken her friendship with Lucas as something more in the past, so why did Brooke saying it now make her suddenly realize little things.
Like the way Lucas felt when his body was pressed against hers. The way his arm came around her, so casually, that she had never realized it was there before. The way she automatically sat close to him without thinking about it. Sure, she had never kept Lucas at arms length before, they had hugged, and been affectionate with each other, but maybe things we're a bit different this year.
She figured it had started as a sort of compensation for Nathan not being around anymore. Lucas became more protective of her, she realized. He would hug her more; put his arm around her more than usual, just little things to let her know he was there, even when her heart felt like it was being stomped on.
She realized she started reciprocating too. It felt good to have physical comfort as well as emotional. There was nothing romantic about it, but Lucas's arm around her always made her feel stronger somehow, and she leaned into his touch, and started to cherish it.
And after he had told her about his HCM condition she felt a sort of need to protect him too. She couldn't stand the thought of his heart hurting more than necessary and she always tried to make him smile as much as possible.
They became each others support in such a big way, but it was so natural Haley hadn't even realized it until now.
But what was there to even realize? So she loved Lucas? She always had. Brooke noticed the change between them, but there wasn't anything in the way Brooke had implied. She hadn't thought of Lucas that way, since she was about fourteen and Lucas had kissed her out of the blue. Haley had been shocked, and Lucas hadn’t known why he did it…or so he told her. They had decided then that they were best friends and couldn't imagine anything ever changing that, and that had been the end of it.
The memory bought a smile to her face, and she fell asleep with dreams of her and Lucas as kids filling her mind.
~*~
"Luke…" Haley said, as she watched her best friend. She was sitting on his bed bored, while he was too busy surfing the net to even pay her any attention.
"Hmmm…." He said, distractedly. He had a massive History paper due, and he was currently trying to find some research for his argument.
"Do you remember that time you kissed me?"
"What?!"
Lucas turned to face her suddenly, his attention now fully on his best friend.
Haley laughed. "Well, that got your attention."
"Yeah, something like that will tend to. Where the hell did that come from?" he asked her, confused by her sudden question. It was something he had almost completely forgotten about.
"I don't know, I was thinking about it the other day."
"Please don't. It was embarrassing."
"Why?"
"Umm, I don't know Hales, I decide to impulsively kiss a girl for the first time and she laughs at me? That might have something to do with it."
Haley smiled at his cute expression as she came over to him. "Aww, I'm sorry. I wasn't laughing at you; I just…wasn't expecting it."
"Yeah, me either."
"So, why did you do it?"
"I don't know. You were…wearing this…." Her eyes widened suddenly and he changed his track. "…uh…you were looking….um…well I'm a guy, even at fourteen."
"You thought I looked…hot?" She asked in confusion.
Lucas rolled his eyes. "Come on Haley, you're the hottest girl I know. Except, you know…eww."
Haley punched his arm playfully. "Thanks. I think."
Lucas forgot any embarrassment he had before and his tone became playful. "Seriously, when I had the hottest girl spending hours in my room, why would I need to try elsewhere for action? In fact…" He grabbed her arm quickly, causing her to fall back against his chest. "I seem to have her in my room again."
Haley laughed at his antics. "Luke, you're so crazy."
She tried to push herself up from him, but ended up slipping further, and somehow she ended up lying almost completely in Lucas's lap, her arms coming around Luke's neck in an effort to hold on and not land on the floor.
She was about to laugh off the awkward moment again when her eyes met Lucas's and she saw something different in them. He was looking at her like…well…in a way he really shouldn't be.
She knew she should have moved right then and there, but something kept her seated, in this uncomfortable position. The moment seemed to drag on, and although it seemed like a million thoughts were running through her head, really there was nothing except the look in Luke's eye.
The distant sound of Karen calling Lucas's name was what startled Haley into letting go, and she fell, rather abruptly onto the floor.
She would have laughed at any other time, but something stopped her. Lucas wasn't laughing either. He held his hand out and she quickly took it, getting to her feet quickly.
"I'm uh…gonna go." She quickly grabbed her things before Lucas could even process what was going on. "Tell Karen I said hi," she said in a high pitched voice, that didn't sound like her own, as she quickly left through his room door.
Lucas sank into the chair again, dazed and confused, and wondering if he had really just thought of Haley as anything other than his best friend, or if this was a weird dream. Little did he know, the weirdness was only just beginning.
~*~
Haley was looking for Lucas at lunch when she spotted her ex-husband sitting at one of the benches. She cringed even as she thought of the phrase "ex-husband", but that is what he was. The divorce had gone through and they had both decided it was for the best, but she still couldn't believe she had managed to get divorced before she even graduated high school.
Not seeing Lucas around she decided to go over to Nathan's table. Tim had just finished his lunch and was leaving as she approached.
"Hey…" She said, putting her tray across from Nathan's, but not sitting down.
He gestured for her to sit down with a nod of his head and she sat across from him.
"Where's your bodyguard?" Nathan asked, although he didn't say it in a harsh tone.
"He doesn't mean it…He's just protective," Haley said, automatically defending Lucas's behaviour.
"Right. That's our Lucas," Nathan said, bitterness lacing his tone.
"Nathan…I don’t get why you're like this with him, he didn’t do anything wrong."
"Haley, don't, okay? You want to talk to me, fine, but don't bring Lucas into this."
"I wasn't the one who brought him up," Haley pointed out.
"You're right, sorry, but let's not talk about him."
"Fine," Haley agreed, although she wasn't too happy about it.
She hated how much distance there was in Lucas and Nathan's relationship, especially after knowing they had once been so close. She didn't even know why they didn't talk anymore. She came back from tour and suddenly Nathan hated Lucas again, and Lucas was so protective of her, that the two boys just couldn't get over their differences.
"So, what brings you to my table?" Nathan asked, smiling to let her know he wanted to start the conversation over.
"I don’t know. I saw you there and…" she trailed off. "How's school?"
Nathan laughed. "School? Is that all you could come up with?"
"I'm sorry!" Haley laughed. "I'm the same old tutor at heart."
"Yeah, you sure are."
The laughing died down between them, leaving only an awkward silence to fill the space. What do you say to the boy you were once married to? What do you say to the boy you divorced, and haven't spoken more than a few words to in the last six months?
She didn't need to answer her own questions because Nathan spoke up.
"I think someone's looking for you."
He gestured behind her and she turned to see Lucas looking at her and Nathan in confusion. She turned back towards Nathan but he was gone.
She sighed as she spotted him walking back into school. She got up and walked over to Lucas.
"Hey, I was looking for you before," Haley said as she approached him.
"Really? Didn't look like it," Lucas said, his voice filled with something he didn't recognize.
"No, I just…." Haley paused, realizing something. "What are you jealous now?"
"What! No. No. Why would you…" Lucas looked at Haley in confusion. "I gotta go."
He was heading away from her before she even managed to shout "Lucas!"
~*~
Lucas walked away from Haley, his head filled with confusion. First there was the strange moment between him and Haley at his house, and now, was he really jealous of seeing her talk to Nathan?
The same Nathan he had been happy for Haley to marry? The same Nathan he had wanted to get back with Haley not eight months ago?
It just through him, that was all. Seeing Haley talking to Nathan after months of nothing, it just shocked him. Nathan and Haley had decided not to even try to be friends after the divorce, knowing that it would be too hard. They didn't want to ignore each other, but they knew they needed some time apart.
So now, seeing Haley just casually talking to Nathan, it just made Lucas feel something strange, and not at all jealousy.
By the time he reached his locker, he had managed to convince himself he was being completely irrational.
He got his books out of his locker and was about to close it when Haley appeared by his side.
"What the hell is wrong with you, Scott?" she asked.
"Nothing. Sorry. I forgot I had to…uh get something from my locker."
Haley didn't buy the story for a second, but there was enough weirdness between them in the last couple of days that she let it slide.
"Okay, well we better get to class."
She grabbed his arm, pulling him along playfully and he just about managed to push his locker closed as he stumbled behind her.
~*~
"Haley…" Lucas whispered, tapping his best friend on the shoulder. They were in the middle of their last period English class.
"Hmm?" Haley turned around slightly, her eyes darting towards the teacher, who was currently busy talking to another student.
"I think I was jealous," Lucas admitted. It was a hard thing to admit, but he had never been able to keep anything from Haley. She was his go-to girl every time he was confused, why should this time be any different?
"Lucas, it was nothing. You weren't there and I saw him and…Why am I even explaining this to you?"
Lucas smirked. "I don't know. I think we've been spending way too much time together, Hales."
"Yeah, I think so." She smiled. "I just saw him there, and I don't know…it felt weird to not say hi at least."
"Yeah. I guess I've gotten so used to having you be mine again; it just felt weird seeing you with him."
Haley smiled teasingly. "I'm no one's property, Scott."
Lucas realized what he said. "You know I didn't mean it that way."
Haley didn’t get to answer him as the teacher returned his attention to entire class, but she couldn't help smile at Lucas's slip. She may not be anyone's property, but realizing Lucas thought of her as "his" made her heart flutter a little unexpectedly.
~*~
The next few weeks passed by in a flurry of exam preparation and college decision making stress. Lucas and Haley didn't get a chance to even think about their new strange feelings, but something had changed between them again.
Haley was suddenly aware of Lucas's physical presence all the time. It's not like she didn't already know her best friend was good looking, she had just never thought about it before. It had never been an issue before. Now though, she found herself thinking about him more often than not and it was driving her crazy.
The problem was she had no one to talk to about it. She didn't have many friends, and the ones she did have were too closely linked to Lucas.
Lucas was having the same problem. He kept noticing every time Haley was wearing something a little revealing, or when they watched movies together and her hair was up, he just wanted to reach out and…Well he stopped himself from even considering doing anything, but the fact that he was suddenly noticing these things was confusing him too much.
Although they thought they were being discrete about their new feelings, it was apparent to an outsider that things were definitely different. The outsider in question was Brooke. She lived with Haley, and at one time she thought she was in love with Lucas, and seeing them together for the past year had made her notice things she wouldn't have before.
Like the fact that for the past week the distance they were sitting away from each other on the couch seemed to be growing. Tonight, they were both perched on either end of the long couch, both watching the movie so closely it was obvious that neither really knew what was going on in it.
Brooke was sitting on the one seater, and she too wasn't concentrating on the movie. Instead she was thinking about the couple in front of her and wondering why no one had realized that these two were so in love with each other.
Love wasn't the lusty start of her relationship with Lucas, or the heartbreak of a betrayal. It wasn't the mind games they played to prove their love to each other only to end up hurting each other more. Love wasn't the whirlwind romance between Haley and Nathan, where Nathan became this person he wasn't, and Haley changed so much to be the girl he wanted. It wasn't the ultimatums and mistrust that plagued their marriage and it wasn't about giving up your dreams to make someone else happy.
Love was this, right in front of her. Two people who knew exactly who the other person was and loved them no matter what. It was Lucas standing by and letting Haley date the one guy he had hated, it was Lucas being their marriage's biggest supporter. It was Lucas supporting Haley's decisions even when he didn't understand them. It was Lucas standing by Haley in her darkest hour.
Love was Haley's constant support of Lucas as he joined the basketball team. It was Haley tutoring Nathan to stop Lucas's pain. It was the pain in her eyes when she thought she almost lost him. It was all the little things they did for each other that seemed insignificant but meant so much to them.
Brooke always felt that Lucas could never love her the way she wanted, and it was only now that she realized it was because Lucas didn’t love anyone the way he loved Haley. And although that love was purely platonic, there was something in it that surpassed the normal boundaries of friendship.
"Oh my god!" Brooke suddenly exclaimed, causing both Lucas and Haley to jump in surprise.
"What?" Haley asked.
"Oh…uh…nothing. Just had an epiphany."
"Which was?"
"You two are just going to have to figure it out for yourselves," Brooke said, grinning, as she got up. "I'm gonna leave you to it."
She got up and grabbed her things to leave before they could get a word out.
"Your roommate is seriously weird," Lucas commented.
"Hey, at least I didn't date her."
"Now that would have been interesting."
"Shut up." Haley laughed, hitting him playfully.
~*~
Haley was busy studying when Brooke burst in the door, arms full of bags and a huge smile on her face.
"Get up Tutor girl," she demanded straight away. "Enough of this boring studying you always seem to be doing, tonight we're going out."
"What? Brooke I really don't…"
"Oh hush, I'm not taking no for an answer."
Brooke walked through the apartment towards their bedroom and Haley followed. She dumped the bags onto her bed in a large pile and then started going through them.
"Now which one shall we wear tonight…?" Brooke mused as Haley's eyes widened at her new wardrobe.
"Clearly you have just received your allowance," Haley joked.
"My allowance and more. Seems the parentals are missing their only daughter for once, and decided to compensate with a healthy cheque. Not that I'm complaining."
"Uh…yeah, I can see why not."
"So, Tric, tonight?" Brooke asked.
"I don't know."
"Come one, Hales, Peyton says some majorly cool band is playing, but then it is Peyton, she thinks every band is majorly cool, but anyway…"
"Brooke, Peyton and I don't even talk anymore."
"Who cares? We won't be alone, Luke's coming too."
"He is?" Haley asked in surprise. She had only spoken to Lucas a couple of hours ago and he hadn't mentioned it.
"Well, he will be as soon as I tell him," Brooke joked.
"So, you and Lucas have fun together," Haley said, not even realizing that her face kind of looked unimpressed with the idea, even as she said it.
"No way, you're coming and that's all there is to it," Brooke demanded, leaving no room for argument.
Haley rolled her eyes, knowing she was going the minute Brooke brought up the idea. And it was probably a good idea; Haley hadn't been out and just had normal fun in a long time.
"Fine."
"Yay!" Brooke hugged her impulsively, before quickly picking out the dress Haley was going to wear.
She handed it to Haley and Haley frowned, already regretting the decision.
~*~
"Haley, come on!" Lucas shouted from the living room.
"Go away, Lucas!" Brooke called back, laughter in her tone.
"You guys have been in there forever. You're not doing something kinky are you?"
"Eww!!" Both girls shouted from behind their bedroom door.
"Just checking," Lucas joked. "You know the band would have packed up and gone by the time you're ready."
"Oh quit complaining, Scott," Brooke called back. "You can't rush a masterpiece."
Twenty minutes later Lucas was lounging on the couch watching TV, when Brooke and Haley emerged from their room.
Brooke looked stunning as usual, and Lucas told her so. But Haley, well she looked so completely breathtaking that a lump formed in Lucas's throat and he had a purely male reaction to her.
It wasn't like she was dressed very differently, or that he hadn't seen her dressed like this before, but now, he realized just how much his perception of her had changed. Her dress was black, with delicate straps resting on her shoulders, the neckline plunged a little, but not indecently, and the material stopped just above her thigh, leaving his eyes to wander down her slender legs.
As his eyes traveled back up to her face he noticed that her hair was long and wavy, a change from the way she usually kept it. The make up on her face was clearly done by Brooke, but only accentuated her features more, the gloss on her lips drawing his attention to them.
"You can stop drooling now," Brooke said, catching Lucas's attention, so that he missed the blush on Haley's face.
"What can I say Brooke, you're just as gorgeous as ever," he joked, although his eyes met Haley's briefly as they left the apartment.
"Flattery will get you nowhere, Luke."
"Well, it was worth a try,"
~*~
Tric was packed as usual and Haley lost Brooke almost as soon as they went inside. But it didn't matter because she was having a good time with Lucas anyway. They spent so much time together as it was, but they never really did anything exciting, so just coming to Tric and dancing with her best friend was fun.
Later on in the evening a slow song was playing and Haley watched the lead singer of the band singing on stage and felt herself reliving those moments on tour.
"Do you miss it?" Lucas asked, breaking her from her thoughts.
"Sometimes," Haley admitted. "It was amazing, Luke. Being on stage, in front of all those people, it was a rush like no other. But it wasn't me. I'm not that girl. I'm not a rock star. My music isn't about anyone else."
"I know, Hales," Lucas said. "Do you think you would still be with Nathan if you realized that sooner?"
"I don't know. I think it…the music…Chris…it just proved to me that there is so much I still want to do, so much I still want to be, and I couldn't do that being married to Nathan. He wanted me to be the same girl he married, and I don't even know if he even knew who that girl really was."
"Maybe he didn't," Lucas said. "You were always a little bit different with him. I don't think it was on purpose, but I felt something different about you when Nathan was around, and I don't think he got to see who you really are. Because if he did, he never would have let you go."
Haley smiled, knowing he was trying to cheer her up, but it still hurt to think about Nathan. She had had so many dreams for them and they had all shattered.
"Come on, let's go dance," Lucas said, grabbing her and pulling her onto the dance floor before she could protest.
By now the songs were upbeat and Lucas and Haley got lost in the music for a while. They were dancing when someone knocked into Haley from behind, causing her to fall forward into Luke's arms.
"Hey!" Lucas called over his shoulder at the person who had knocked her, but it was too loud for anyone to hear. "You okay?" Lucas asked her.
"Err…yeah," Haley said, realizing Lucas still had his arm around her from where he stopped her from falling.
Lucas realized at the same time and quickly let go.
"I think I need to go home," Haley mumbled. This night was a little too weird. Being so close to Lucas, one minute feeling like he's just her best friend, and the other moment feeling tingles when he touched her.
"What?" Lucas asked.
Haley stepped forward to whisper in his ear, not even realizing what she was doing. "I think I'm gonna go home," she told him again, but this time he was distracted by her hands on his shoulder, and her breath in his ear.
She moved away, not realizing the thoughts running through her best friends head. He pulled out of his daze in time and started to follow her to the exit.
"Have you seen Brooke?" Haley asked, looking around.
"No. But knowing her, she won't be ready to go yet. I'll take you home."
"You sure you don't want to stay?"
"Yeah. Come on."
They got their coats and headed back to Lucas's car. They rode in awkward silence back to the apartment. They hadn't had an awkward silence between them in years so this was something big.
"Luke…"
"Hales…"
They started at the same time, and then laughed. "Sorry, you were saying?" Luke said.
"You first," Haley offered.
"Um…I was just gonna say, you looked great tonight."
"Uh…thanks."
There was the silence again. Why was this happening now? Since when had it been hard to tell Haley she looked nice? Since when did Lucas paying her a compliment make her blush and wonder what he meant? This was too confusing.
"What were you going to say?" Lucas asked her.
"Oh…err…I don’t remember," she admitted.
"See, you should have gone first," Luke teased.
They reached the apartment and they both got out of the car and headed upstairs. Usually they would be talking about their night all the way up but they were both strangely quiet.
When they reached the door Haley opened it and Lucas was about to follow her in when she stopped.
"Who said I'm inviting you?" she joked. "I don't let strange men into my apartment."
"I must have totally missed that the first thousand times I've been inside."
"Must have," she joked. "You look a bit shady tonight; I don't think it's safe."
Lucas stiffened a little, wondering if she had read his thoughts or was she still playing? Because his thoughts had been very close to shady tonight.
She slipped behind the door before he could react and held it closed.
"Haley…"
"Hmmm?"
"It's cold out here," he complained half heartedly.
"Luke, if you think any girl would let you into her house after a date just because it's a cold you're mistaken."
"I'm sorry, I wasn't aware we were on a date," Lucas joked, and although her game was amusing, he felt tonight she was hitting a little too close to home.
"Details, details. You're going to have to do better than that. Why should I let you in?" she challenged him.
Lucas laughed, pretending to think about it before suddenly pushing the door and grabbing her around the waist. "Because I'm a lot stronger than you," he said, as he tickled her, one arm around her waist and the other moving around her body making her laugh.
She was laughing hard and struggling against him so much that when he finally let go she was so out of breath her chest was heaving.
"You're so not fair, Scott," she told him as she started to walk away.
But suddenly he pulled her back. Her body collided with his just as his lips found hers. It was a momentary impulse on Luke's part but the moment his mouth was on hers he felt as if he had come home. The kiss startled her but she was quick to respond. He pulled her body close to his, his arms slipping underneath her coat and wrapping around her waist. Her hands were in his hair, pulling him closer.
The kiss itself was electric; crazy and passionate, while being soft and reassuring at the same time. The sudden feelings they had been experiencing lately erupting in this one perfect moment.
And then the moment was over. They pulled apart just as fast as they had come together. Haley's breathing was especially harsh, first from the tickling, and then from the kiss. She was actually shaking. Lucas was trying hard to calm his body down.
Their eyes met, and Haley freaked out first. "Oh my god!"
"Haley…"
"Oh my god!"
"Well at least you're not laughing," he tried to joke.
"This isn't funny, Luke."
"I know."
"I have to…" She gestured to her bedroom. "You should…" She gestured to the door.
And before he could say anything else she had run into her bedroom and closed the door.
Lucas sighed in frustration. He didn’t know what to do. He didn't know why he even did it. He was tempted to stay, to try and talk to her, but he just didn't know what he would even say. So, he left, quietly closing the door behind him.
Haley came out of her bedroom a few minutes later to find him gone, and then she sat on the couch and let the tears overtake her.
~*~
Four hours later Lucas was standing outside Haley's apartment looking up. The lights were still on, which meant either Haley was still up, or that Brooke was home. Knowing Brooke, she probably wasn't home, even though it was almost three a.m. That meant Haley was still awake, and most probably agonizing over their kiss.
It's what he had been doing for the last four hours. Replaying each second over and over in his head until he knew her every movement, every sound, and every feeling she invoked in him.
He replayed it over and over until he realized that she was the only one who ever made him feel this way. Others, they could come and go from his life and he would be okay, but he could never lose Haley.
He sat outside her apartment for another half an hour, his head and his heart battling each other, each trying to handle the situation differently. Finally he got up the nerve to go to her door.
She answered the door almost instantly, and although she smiled at him, he could tell she had been crying. She was dressed in sweats and her hair was now tied up, the curls from earlier away from her face.
"I was wondering when you were gonna come up," Haley commented as she walked back into the apartment, letting him close the door.
"How did you…"
"You forget that I know you, Scott," she told him. "Although, obviously not well enough because that I was not expecting," she said, knowing he knew what "that" she was talking about.
"Me either."
"Another case of me looking too hot to resist?" she teased.
"No," he said. "I mean, yes, you looked hot, but that’s not why…"
"Then why did you, Luke?" she asked him, desperation in her voice.
"I don't know, Haley," he said, chickening out of telling her the truth.
She didn't seem to like the response though.
"No, that's not good enough. You can't risk a ten year friendship on a stupid male impulse!" She was angry now, pacing in front of him,
"Is that all you think it was?" he asked, hurt that she would think so little of him.
"I don't know, Luke," Haley said, stopping in front of him. "That's why I'm asking you."
"You kissed me back," he reminded her.
"I know," she admitted, looking away from him.
"Why?"
"I don't know."
Lucas sighed, knowing they weren't going to get anywhere if they kept answering every question with "I don’t know".
"You know what I know? I know that I'm not sorry I kissed you. I know that I loved kissing you. And I know that you felt something when you kissed me back."
"Luke…"
"I don't know why, Hales. I don't know what this means, but I just…"
"Just what?"
"I just can't stop thinking about it," he said, coming closer to her. She stepped back a little, but he just stepped forward, until he was close enough to take her hand.
"Luke, don’t…" she protested as his hand came up to her face, softly caressing her cheek.
"Why not?" he asked.
"Because…" Her answer was buried under his kiss. This time it was slow and sensual and made her ache for him. Her head was spinning because she didn't know anything except that this felt really good.
He pulled away but didn't let go of her. She rested her forehead on his chest, trying to think of some explanation.
"This is crazy," she mumbled into his chest.
She pulled away from his body, needing to think again. "Luke, we can't do this. I can't risk our friendship just because we suddenly kissed and didn't find it repulsive."
Lucas made a face. "You thought kissing me would be repulsive?" he asked, mildly hurt.
Haley rolled her eyes. "No. I just never really gave much thought to kissing you before."
"Oh good."
"Lucas!"
"Haley, we don't have to risk anything if you don't want."
"What does that mean?"
"If you want to forget about it…"
"No!" she said suddenly. "I mean, we can't, can we?"
"I wouldn't be able to," he admitted.
"So, then what?"
"I'll kiss you again?"
"Luke!"
"Sorry," Lucas said with a smirk. It was infuriating Haley that he didn't seem as shaken up by this as she was. And it was confusing Lucas that he didn't think he needed to be shaken up about this, because suddenly everything was so clear.
"What are you smiling about?" Haley asked.
"Us."
"I don't think we are very funny right now."
"Haley," he took her hand, bringing her closer to him. "Don't you feel it?"
"What?"
"I love you, Haley."
"I know, Luke. I love you too," she said, not understanding him.
"No, Haley, I'm in love with you," he told her.
She wanted to tell him he was wrong. She wasn't sure she even believed him a little, but when she looked into his eyes she knew he was deadly serious.
"Luke how can you…"
"I can't imagine any day of my life without you. I don't want anyone else to be near you. The thought of you being with Nathan makes my skin crawl. It did, even then, but I mistook that for me just hating Nathan. I can't stand to hurt you, Haley, and I can't stand to watch anyone else hurt you."
"But…"
"I start every day thinking of you, and spend each day with you and end each day thinking of us together."
"Luke…"
"Shush. I love every little thing about you, that I can't even list them, and even when you annoy me I love you. And now, I realize I was a complete idiot because I always thought I loved you because you were my best friend, but now I realize you're my best friend because I love you."
"Luke, I…"
"I know you're probably not ready. And you don't love me like that. But I realized tonight that I am in love with you, Haley, and I think I always have been in some way."
"I don't know what to say, Luke. I'm just so confused."
He leaned forward and kissed her forehead softly before letting go.
"I know. I was too. And our friendship is the most important thing in my life, Haley. I don't ever want to lose it."
"Me either, Luke."
"So, here's what we're going to do. I'm going to leave now, and I'm not going to come over or call you at all. You think about this as much as you want, for as long as you want, and when you're ready just call me and I'll be here. If you decide you want to forget this and carry on as best friends, I will do that and nothing will be different, I promise."
"But…"
"I promise, Hales." And she believed him.
"Or if you decide you want to take a chance with us…well I'll be here."
Haley watched in a daze as he turned and left the apartment. She stood in shock for about thirty seconds before realizing what she was doing.
She was just as much in love with Lucas as he was with her. She didn't need to think about it. She knew it in her heart, the moment he first kissed her.
She quickly grabbed the phone and dialed Lucas's cell. He answered after one ring.
"Haley?"
"Luke?"
"Yeah?"
"Come back," she barely finished whispering the words to him when there was a knock on the door. He hadn't even walked away yet.
She pulled the door open and greeted him with a kiss he would never forget. Her arms were around his neck and he'd lifted her half off the ground as they realized just what they had been missing all these years. Crazy stumbling ensued as Lucas kicked the door closed behind him and managed to hold on as Haley pulled him towards her bedroom.
~*~
They were laughing as they stumbled into her bedroom. His coat had been pulled off and was lying by the door, and his hands seemed to have found their way under her top, caressing her soft sink. They seemed to have a mind of their own as they wondered lower.
"Are you groping me?" Haley asked in between kisses.
"Too fast?" he questioned, pulling his hands from under her top, but moving his lips to her neck.
"No, It's just…it should be weird right?"
"Is it?"
"No," She realized.
"Do you want to stop?" he asked.
"No. I think we’ve pretty much past the point of no return already," she said, smiling at him.
"Well then…" His hands came under her, lifting her up so she had to wrap her legs around his waist instinctively.
Haley laughed at the movement, just as Lucas hit the bed, and fell back, Haley landing on top of him.
Haley lifted her head, her hair now falling losing around her onto Lucas. He lifted his hand, pushing some of it behind her ear so he could see her face.
"You know, I don't think I ever felt the necessary amount of sadness over the size of this bed until now," Lucas joked.
"Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure you never thought you'd be using it, right?"
Lucas smiled. "I sure didn't." He leaned forward as she leaned down, and their lips met, slowly, capturing their feelings in that kiss.
"Haley…are you sure?" Lucas asked as they pulled away. Haley rolled her eyes and leaned forward to kiss him again. Lucas laughed as he pulled away. "I guess that's my answer."
"Uh, yeah. Have I ever told you, you're really stupid sometimes?" she joked.
"Only every day."
"Well, that’s good. I’d hate for you to…"
"Haley…" Lucas interrupted.
"Hmmm?"
"As much as I love that we can still have these pointless conversations…you're kind of, um, moving on top of me, and I err…can't think much about anything you're saying."
"Oh my god!" Haley suddenly glanced down and realized what he meant.
Lucas took the opportunity to flip their positions so that Haley was now half underneath him. She was lying flat on her back and Lucas was on his side next to her on the small bed.
"Hey!" Haley protested at the sudden movement.
"This is much better for my health," Lucas said, as he moved the hair from her face.
She smiled at him softly, and he knew that she loved him just the way he loved her, even if she hadn't said it yet. Why had it taken so long for them to realize it?
"What are you thinking?" Haley asked.
"It'll sound corny if I say it."
"Aww. Tell me."
"You'll laugh, Hales."
"I won't, I promise. Best friend Haley may have laughed at your corny lines, but girlfriend Haley will not."
"Girlfriend Haley, huh?" Lucas grinned.
"Well…I just…"
"I like it," he smiled as he noticed her start to ramble.
"Oh."
"And I was thinking that I can't believe it took me so long to realize that it was always going to be me and you."
"Aww. That's not corny at all," she said with a teasing smile. "Okay, maybe a little."
"Well, it's true," Lucas told her.
"Yeah, but I think maybe we just needed to figure it out by ourselves."
"So, are we all figured out?" Lucas asked.
"I think so."
"Good."
He leaned in and kissed her again, this time it was clear that conversation was no longer required. Her arms reached up, wrapping around his neck and pulling him tight. His hands roamed her body, finding their way under her top and feeling her soft skin under his fingertips.
"Lucas!"
He pulled away suddenly, frustrated, but ready to stop if she needed. "What? Too much?"
"No." She smiled at him and then awkwardly climbed over him. "I just have to do something," she told him.
He watched her in confusion as she got something from Brooke's wardrobe and opened and closed the bedroom door.
She got back onto the bed, in almost the exact position she had been in before. She picked up Lucas's hands and placed them back under her top, and then put her arms back around his neck.
"Okay, I'm good," she said.
"You are one strange girl, Haley James."
"Just shut up and kiss me."
~*~
That night Brooke came home, slightly drunk, only to find that for the first time since she and Haley had lived together, there was a black scrunchie on the door of their bedroom, and it wasn't Brooke's.